Redundancy and redeployment

A wise man once said, ‘ask and ye shall receive’ so I asked and lo, answers were granted unto me. A couple of weeks ago I got myself into a panic at the number of unanswered questions I had about the future. While my head said, ‘brilliant opportunity, make the most of it, set up a business, work from home!’ my heart said, ‘doomed! We’re all doomed! It’s the end of the working world.’ Armed with questions I approached my line manager.

 I’m now on the council deployment list. Given that my background is in education and almost the whole of the education department is in the same situation same I don’t hold out much hope. I asked my line manager if I could be redeployed as a street sweeper at the same salary I’m on now. Sadly redeployment has to be at a similar grade. 

And I’m entitled to go on any courses that may help with redeployment or future needs. But apparently that doesn’t include any writing courses or Advanced Italian at my local adult education centre. Well, if you don’t ask…

 So a couple of weeks later what has turned up? Well, I’ve been invited to attend a training day on interview skills for redeployment. Sounds fun.

 The course includes activities about, ‘evidencing transferable skills and competencies through your achievements,’ (eh?) asks participants to, ‘prepare your 30 Second Commercial (capital letters: sic),’ and, ‘bring along a role profile for any job you wish to apply for.’

 So, role profiles for any jobs I wish to apply for…let me check my inbox.

Aha, an offer of redeployment! I’m eligible for the post of ‘Traffic Order Maker.’ My new duties will include, ‘The drafting and processing of all highway, planning, traffic regulation, car parking notices, Special Events Acts and orders, including all necessary advertising and consultations,’ and ‘recommending appropriate signing and carriageway markings to compliment or reflect Traffic Management Orders in accordance with Traffic Signs Regulations and General Directions 2002.’ I’d even be in charge of, ‘preparing legal documents for the implementation of Controlled Parking Places, Waiting and Loading Restrictions, Bus Clearways, Free Parking Places, Pay and Display.’

 Let me check my CV- teaching degree, master’s degree in education, years of experience teaching in schools, currently working as education adviser.

 Yup, I’m the perfect candidate. Where do I sign up?


The Independent way to choose a secondary school

The Independent’s correspondent Richard Garner has written a guide to education.  Being the Independent, it was very… independent but I liked the questions so have appropriated some of them for my own not so independent purposes:

There are three secondary schools in my area. One is an academy, the second a local authority secondary school and the third a Catholic Church school. Oh and they say an independent free school is to open next year. Which shall I choose for my daughter?

Blimey aren’t you lucky? If I were you I’d wait until that free school sets up, especially if it’s the one being run by that bald bloke who wrote that book about alienating people. Debating club should be fun.

What is the difference between an academy and a local authority maintained secondary school?

Well the kids at the academy wear purple and yellow blazers and shiny shoes and the kids at the comp wear black hoodies over their very small very wide ties. If that doesn’t help you, you might wish to delve deeper and look at boring stuff like educational attainment, behaviour and ethos.

Ok I’ve checked out the academy now. It seems it was a failing secondary school that has been given a facelift and brand new buildings and is now run by a bunch of hedge-fund managers. How come?

Well mainly because the feckless local authorities simply can’t be relied upon to support the schools in their area so it’s best we hand them over to the bankers. After all, they can be trusted to get things right, can’t they?

I’m unsure about the academy though. So now what do I do to make sure Endellion gets the best education possible?

Take a look at those impenetrable league tables for each school and try to make or tail of the figures. Especially those figures about value added. Don’t whatever you do go and visit the school to get a feel for it, talk to teachers, pupils or parents to get a balanced view or speak to the head teacher. And for goodness sake don’t make a decision based on the unique needs of your child.

Right I’ve done that. The one that comes out best on both schools is the catholic school. Should I go there?

Well him upstairs does keep an eye on faith schools so I expect to see you at mass at the church of Sweet Baby Jesus and the Wee Donkey on Sunday (don’t forget to pack your cheque book). Make sure you arrange for some adequate sex education because we wouldn’t want little Endellion falling for the nasty charms of one of those comprehensive louts and catholic schools don’t teach about contraception.

Everything clear? good, thought so.

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