The final payslip…

I got back to the office yesterday after a meeting to find a familiar blue envelope on my desk. It was the Final Payslip (da da da-daa! da da da da daaa! da da da-daa! da da da-da-da-da!) Every month when the blue envelope arrives I tear off its perforated strips eagerly and peer inside just in case my employers thought I had done such a good job that month that they had slipped in a little banker bonus. Yeah right. The most exciting thing to happen on a payslip is a typed message saying ‘Payroll data may be given to bodies responsible for auditing public funds for the prevention and detection of fraud.’

But not this month.

Inside this Final Payslip (da da da-daaa! etc) was my redundancy pay. All of it. Now the temptation is to either a) pop into a car showroom, buy something fancy and then drive it up to Harvey Nicks via the shop that sells nice holidays. (In reality the money would run out at the fancy car showroom and I’d end up getting the bus to Primark) or b) take off all my clothes and stand outside the civic centre shaking my fist and shouting, ‘you bastards took my job from me and now I can’t even afford to clothe myself!’ I like the idea of the second but the satisfaction might wear off quickly in my police cell.

Instead I’ve asked for a meeting with the director before I leave so I can pitch my services in case there is more work in the future. I’d also like to tell the director how disappointed I am that we’ve not had any communication from senior staff saying sorry/ poor you/ thank God you’re going;  and we’ve certainly not seen any of them in our office/ team meetings/ lurking around by the flower beds.

I pitched this thought unsuccessfully to Mr. R who advised that this is not a Good Idea and I should bite my lip. ‘After all, he said sagely, ‘would you book work from someone who had pretty much just called you a selfish twonk?’

He may be right.

PS you’ve worked out what the da-da-da-s are, right?


11 Responses to The final payslip…

  1. RPS says:

    Dear Citizen R,

    Good luck – I hope there’s sunshine ahead.

    Best wishes


  2. Stray says:

    Yup, da da da-das all clicked immediately.

    And yes, Good Luck! I’m not sure I agree with Mr R, but he does have a point. I wonder if there’s a way you could deliver it as ‘advice’ rather than ‘telling off’?

  3. guerrillamum says:

    Hi Citizenr

    Best wishes for the future. I wish I believed someone would care if you did ‘have your say’, but I’m not convinced they would… Maybe you should just go all out to ensure that as many goodies as possible that fall from the privateers’ tables fall your way? Trust me there will be privateers’ Then you might really feel better?


  4. Tim says:

    Good luck, and may every opportunity that comes your way be a lucrative one. I hope you have made plans to enjoy at least some of your redundancy pay, though. Whatever happened to the grand holiday? Your public demands to know!

    No point burning your bridges, but be forthright and confident. Talk to your director. Express your disappointment at the lack of communication. Remind him/her it was your role that was made redundant, not you, and that he/she knows where to come when they discover that they really do need your skills and experience back again in some form. I know several people who were made redundant or who retired, and 6 months later were back working with their old companies in either a part-time or (better still) a consulting capacity.

    Better still, let us know how you’re getting on in the big wide world. There is a community here who care and are genuinely interested.

    • citizenr says:

      Good advice, thank you Tim. I have no intenion from retiring from the blogosphere quite yet, it’s such good fun and therapy!The big hol plans have been put on hold for the moment becuase I’m so busy/ tied but we’ll do a tour of the UK instead. We’ll return to the big trip later in the year and maybe during term time (gasp).

  5. Roger White says:

    “…how disappointed I am that we’ve not had any communication from senior staff saying sorry/ poor you…” Sadly a not untypical experience I suspect. They do make it difficult to feel good about them in future don’t they? Good luck from one who’s been down the same track.

    • citizenr says:

      Thanks Roger. I was talking to a friend eysterday who has the theory that senior managers have to switch off their emotional intellignace buttons in order to cope with the rubbish their jobs throw at them. Perhaps like polititicians?

      • Roger White says:

        Reminds me that I worked in a London borough once in the middle of the 1980s recession where the director of the department decided to save costs by getting rid of about a dozen professionals, all well into middle age. He leaned on them hard to take voluntary redundancy. When surviving colleagues said they thought there ought to be a collective acknowledgement of their many years service he initially vetoed it on the basis of “the money they were making from the council”. Prolonged lobbying made him relent to the extent that he agreed a collection and they were all bought…identical alarm clocks. True story. They don’t make them like that any more (?)

  6. citizenr says:

    Right, I will be lobbying for my own alarm clock although I fear I’ll be getting nothing! You couldn’t make it up could you? Thank you for your inspired comments and please pop by again.

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