The final payslip…
March 15, 2011 11 Comments
I got back to the office yesterday after a meeting to find a familiar blue envelope on my desk. It was the Final Payslip (da da da-daa! da da da da daaa! da da da-daa! da da da-da-da-da!) Every month when the blue envelope arrives I tear off its perforated strips eagerly and peer inside just in case my employers thought I had done such a good job that month that they had slipped in a little banker bonus. Yeah right. The most exciting thing to happen on a payslip is a typed message saying ‘Payroll data may be given to bodies responsible for auditing public funds for the prevention and detection of fraud.’
But not this month.
Inside this Final Payslip (da da da-daaa! etc) was my redundancy pay. All of it. Now the temptation is to either a) pop into a car showroom, buy something fancy and then drive it up to Harvey Nicks via the shop that sells nice holidays. (In reality the money would run out at the fancy car showroom and I’d end up getting the bus to Primark) or b) take off all my clothes and stand outside the civic centre shaking my fist and shouting, ‘you bastards took my job from me and now I can’t even afford to clothe myself!’ I like the idea of the second but the satisfaction might wear off quickly in my police cell.
Instead I’ve asked for a meeting with the director before I leave so I can pitch my services in case there is more work in the future. I’d also like to tell the director how disappointed I am that we’ve not had any communication from senior staff saying sorry/ poor you/ thank God you’re going; and we’ve certainly not seen any of them in our office/ team meetings/ lurking around by the flower beds.
I pitched this thought unsuccessfully to Mr. R who advised that this is not a Good Idea and I should bite my lip. ‘After all, he said sagely, ‘would you book work from someone who had pretty much just called you a selfish twonk?’
He may be right.
PS you’ve worked out what the da-da-da-s are, right?