Kiss my annual staff survey

Tick here. Or maybe not.

It’s time for the annual staff survey. This is undertaken by an external company (wonder how much that costs?) and is administered anonymously and electronically. 

I work in a satellite, which sadly doesn’t mean I’m orbiting the earth in a capsule. It just means some staff are stuffed in a crummy building far away from the directors’ shiny offices and our answers don’t count statistically because we are too few.

We will be sent a link to our very own personalised survey in which we are given boxes to tick like ‘strongly agree,’ ‘agree slightly,’ ‘couldn’t give a monkey’s,’ ‘what do you mean Ann Widdecombe’s still in?’ There is a distinct lack of free text boxes so we peasants can’t express ourselves fully.

Now if I wrote the survey it might have questions like this:

We’re making lots of people like you redundant because we need to maintain the pay increases to the senior executives. This is a Good Thing.

Strongly agree/ slightly agree/ slightly disagree/ put that stapler down before it ends in tears.

The office where I work is:

Plush and delightful with vases of fresh flowers, an ambient climate and a coffee-making machine/ ok I suppose / freezing cold with a leaking roof, crowded, messy, not been painted since the 70s, with a packet a Bombay mix abandoned on a table that no-one will lay claim to and is a place where senior executives never set foot for fear of contracting something nasty.

At the time of writing several colleagues have had their surveys sent to them but mine is conspicuous by its absence. Do you think they know something?

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3 Responses to Kiss my annual staff survey

  1. Tim says:

    No free text boxes? Definitely suggests that all that matters is that key scores are higher than last year, rather than actually getting an understanding from any meaningful feedback. Very poor.

    I definitely prefer your questions/options. If no one else wants it, I will claim the Bombay mix. Could you pop it in the post for me? 😉

  2. Tim says:

    Being the dullard that I am, I’ve only just got the play on words in your post title. I can feel my brain cells rotting away …

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